My fantasy team the last two weeks with injuries.
FANTASY BASEBALL PLAYOFFS EDITION
"The owner of FAGE and his employees—the entire country of Greece and maybe even all of the European Union—hinged on the outcome of this game. Everyone needed to win, for one reason or another, except for Smush Parker."
Everyone stop what you’re doing
Me: Hi, Dr. Albert.
Marv Albert: A playoff atmosphere in here tonight!
Me: Well, it’s been a tough week. My mother came to visit me.
Marv Albert: From downtown!
Me: And, of course, she immediately asked if I was still sleeping with Sarah.
Marv Albert: Out of bounds!
Me: Exactly. It’s not her business.
Marv Albert: Unbelievable!
Me: And Sarah won’t even return my calls.
Me: I called her, like, twelve times last night.
Marv Albert: A dozen! Unanswered!
Me: I don’t know why I’m surprised. We haven’t been intimate in months.
Marv Albert: Stuck outside the perimeter!
Shouts & Murmurs - Jesse Eisenberg imagines American sportscaster Marv Albert as a therapist: http://nyr.kr/XRrl6d